Braking in Traffic

When I was younger, I would sometimes get a stern talking to by my mother. (I know, hard to believe, right?!?)

This talk would typically not come about because of soemthing I was doing wrong, but more often than not, because of something I wasn't doing. For example, if I would become tired and overwhelmed and allow my ugly side to come out, she would talk to me more about what I shouldn't be doing to allow myself to become so tired and overwhelmed. Although I dreaded those talks, I was always glad she had intervened and helped me in the end.

The same holds true of my Christian walk with God today. I sometimes (okay, more than sometimes), whine and complain about the current place of ministry my husband and I are in. I go through the motions of trying to be a "good girl" and keep it to myself, not going overboard in my complaints, but I am at the point that enough is enough already!

So, I do what I typically do at this point and I cry out to God. "Please help me. Please rescue me. Please tell me what to do!"

At times, He answers. At other times, like now, He is silent. But He still reminds me, when I take the time to look, that He is very much present during the silence. He is still teaching me, molding me. So for now, I'll wait until He speaks. I don't know why He has called me to this place now. I don't know why He has called us to leave our extended families. I don't know why He has called my husband to study His word from a seminary at THIS age. :) And I don't know why He has called us to a place and into an area of ministry that will require the ultimate preparation and sacrifice just RIGHT before my husband was to graduate, resulting in more preparation time.

I don't know the answers to these questions; questions we have, as well as well-meaning questions others have. But I do know this, beyond my whining and complaining and my questioning of the daily and mundane, once I hear His call, I no longer question, but I do. I do resting in the knowledge that He who began a good work in me (in us) will carry it out to the end....if we will get over ourselves and my cry baby antics and just let Him.

"When my ugly comes out, I am so often temped to think God leaves me. I wouldn't blame Him. But God is too full of grace to walk away. Grace doesn't give me a free pass to act out how I feel, with no regard to His commands. Rather His grace gives me consolation in the moment, with a challenge to learn from this situation and become more mature in the future." (Lysa TerKeurst, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, 124.)